| i have a healthy taste for violence and a hundred-fifty proof... |
[05 Nov 2009|06:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"he wont answer" grieves |
] |
Its been a couple of weeks since my last post, but i havent done much worth posting about. The album is steadily coming along. Im still excited about that. Im kind of drunk right now, A-rod moved yesterday and its odd not having anyone to vent to when im having one of those cluttered mind moments. I went to garden for the first time in nearly ten months the other day...it was terrible...i wanted to leave that place the entire time i was there. I missed seeing everyone and it was good to do that at least. Bret and i sort of buried the hatchet on our beef and i think good things will come from that. Im having one of those bad days today...no matter how much shit you delete off the computer or literally throw away, you will always find tiny bridges to those past relationships. I found a picture today that i didnt know i had, and i wanted to fucking cry. I can pretend that year never happened but i have to face the fact that it did. It hurts. I wish it could have been different...fuck...i dont even know. Im fucked in the head six ways from sunday sometimes. Sometimes i assume the blame for it because i wish i could fix it, even though i know it wasnt me, it was her. Shes probably happy now, and i accept that, and i stay as far away from that relationship as i can. But no matter what, it fucking hurts.
I need to meet the girl of my dreams. If you love music, have pretty eyes, enjoy poetry and being told you are beautiful everyday...apply here. I have a bottle of rum and a few shots of UV to finish off...im going to do that and think. Yikes.
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| My relationship with reality, yeah...it comes and goes. |
[13 Oct 2009|09:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"termites hollow" Grade |
] |
Today came early. I Woke up around 330am to make breakfast for myself and the morning crew at work. Cameron and i somehow pulled it off and got a good amount of food made in under and hour and made our way to the store. Other than that it was a slow day...i got off around 2pm and slept for a couple of hours following. I woke up a little bit ago and talked to my dad, wrote a bit more, and now im heading to make something to eat. I would call today unproductive. I picked up an extra shift tomorrow and then im calling it a week at the store. Ill have thursday through friday off and that suits me just fine. I cant wait for the radio show this weekend. Its easily my favorite part of every week now. I had a pumpkin pie cappachino from quick trip this morning...it made me think of emma. Haha...got was that 4-5 years ago already? Where does the time go? Jesus. Its bedtime i think.
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| The runway lights are the deepest blue... |
[13 Oct 2009|12:16am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"blizzard of the century" safety |
] |
I had a dream the other night that i cant stop thinking about. In the dream me, davey, arod, ordam and elier were at a show in lawrence and on the way into the granada i bumped into this girl. The girl was a brunette, probably 5'5 or 5'6 with black, dark rimmed glasses and i have never seen her before in real life. In the dream i quickly fell in love with her as we enjoyed the show and drinks at the bar. I was happy. She was happy. All of my friends were there, and happy. Too bad it was just a fucking dream.
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| At least the outline of its death prevents another fatal kiss.... |
[11 Oct 2009|10:52am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"absolutley nowhere" Mac Lethal |
] |
Winter has arrived and i must say its cold as fuck. I hate days like this. My calls in to work double in the winter due to my disdain for snow and the cold. People and their sick kids roll in and out of every place...churches, restraunts, stores, the bank, etc coughing and sneezing their little guts, boogers and germs everyone. Not too appealing. Id love to stay home and watch the chiefs get slaughtered over a couple of coronas...but the bills have to be paid, so i will put up with cold and the sick little bastards all day. Its only seven hours.
Friday night we had a fun get together at my apt. It was me, A-rod, Cameron, Amanda, Jingles and Shawna. Small group, but awesome as fuck. It was nice to unwind after a long ass work week...especially with good friends. I work all of my hours in three days this week, leaving me 4 days off to do booking and to get more prepared for the radio show on saturday. That makes me alot more relieved about working two jobs..at least i wont have to cram them into the same days anymore. Jesus i have nothing important to say.
Its time to cat nap until work.
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| hiding tears in falling rain, thats just life...but it feels like death. |
[08 Oct 2009|02:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 curious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"run away to spain" Lonely Kings |
] |
Its raining out and i wish it would stop. Its my first true day off of work in a couple of weeks and i cant even be outside to enjoy it. I had small plans today, but they were plans that involved me not thinking about anything at all and merely going down the street to the park and shooting some hoops by myself like i used to when i was a kid. I remember doing that alot and it being sort of like my therapy...it was one of the few times i had to hear my parents fight about stupid ass shit. I think some time away from my thoughts is in order...since im stuck inside ive decided to spend the remainder of the day doing absolutley nothing. Ill probably sleep some more here in awhile, but even then i cant escape my thoughts. They are always subconciously there and visible in more ways then one. The other night i had a dream that i went back to garden city to see my mother and bunch of people were looking to hurt me...i stood my ground and accidentally killed one of them in my fit of rage. I woke up and couldnt get back to sleep for a couple of hours. It was one of those nightmares that makes you wake up in a flood of sweat wondering where you are. Anxiety is getting the best of me as of late. In a couple of weeks another friend will depart from wichita meaning that since ive moved up here Davey, Tracey and now A-Rod will be gone and as the days wind down im truly closer to be on my own and having all of the time in the world to focus on myself and my goals. Heres a couple of goals ive made for myself to achieve by this time next year.
Release a cd, play many shows, find a way to mend the fences of the past and be completley over it, open for atmosphere, see the country, clear my fucking head.
Seems feasable. If i get half of the list that will be better than most...Im closing this post with a lyric from a great band called The Scaries that hits home with hard as of late.
"You can count the scars if you doubt they're part of me...they're all ive got to remember you..."
fin.
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| her spirit is the genuine elixer... |
[24 Sep 2009|10:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"know it all" Mac Lethal |
] |
The week flew by as it usually seems to. Monday night A-Rod and i crammed a few belongings into the truck and ventured to lawrence for a couple of days to see The Honorary Title play. They were great as i expected. I was even more thrilled to FINALLY get to see danielle though i dont think she was feeling the same. It sucks, im crushing on her pretty bad but i should probably just get the fuck over it. Shes just too unsure and im just too over anxious. I dont know...im lazy and dont really feel like updating anymore. Fuck it.
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| They said i was a danger to myself and others... |
[22 Sep 2009|10:24am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 exanimate |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"nothing left to say" Cage |
] |
Its been a couple of days but i guess that beats the shit out of posting once or twice a year. Im in Lawrence right now, on Ashleys laptop, fatigued and tired, yet i have no desire to go back to sleep. I had a terrible dream last night. I dreamt that my ex girlfriend admitted to all of the rumors i have heard, but she very snide and rude about it; almost rubbing them in my face or so it seems. In the dream, i snapped and well...things were pretty scary. I woke up and laid here for a couple of hours until the sun came up and finally nodded off for 2 or 3 more hours before Ashley and Jacobs dog stuck his nose in my face, waking me up permantly. Im hopeful that maybe that dream was only the subconcious thought i give to that subject and nothing more, as i have a tendency to have dreams for a reason sometimes. Fuck it. Im going to enjoy the next couple of days and seeing the honorary title tonight.
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| I keep it subtle and evil. |
[16 Sep 2009|04:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"novocaine rain" soulcrate music |
] |
I figured the first step in achieving the goal of updating more often was to actually do it against my owns wish to lay on the couch and watch television. I started the day early, breakfast and work by 645am. All morning i felt very faint and didnt get as much accomplished as i wouldve liked to. Since its been awhile, Ill update you on my work situations. I am doing mainly booking but i also have a part time job (which has become a full time recently) assembling furniture at a store. I work with one of the best crews ever, most everyone is alot of fun.
I enjoy days where i get to work with Ken and Nidia mainly, as they are probably my closest friends at work. Nidia has become like an older sister to me of sorts, we spend alot of time screaming Friday quotes at each other across the warehouse and alot of time talking shit on the bosses. Nidia is a cut up, but a hilarious one, she doesnt let anyone tell her what to do and i enjoy watching the gas hit the fire anytime one of the bosses lets it. Ken is nothing short of fucking hilarious. He is easily the most perverted person i have ever met in my life. He is a good worker until we are on the sales floor when he spends the day gawking at women and walking past them in hopes that he can squeeze an ass or brush against a boob. The other day he told me a story about him knocking out his former butchy lesbian boss and then nearly knocking out Rene Stevens, CEO of the spangles franchise. Great stuff.
I wrote alot today at work, for some reason when i want to time to pass in the morning and im groggy i jot alot more lyrics and waste alot more of my work time rhyming and working sentences and metaphors together in my head then doing actual labor. Hopefully this is the big trick that will put the pony on the road. Im really progressing as a spoken word poet and as a hip hop artist and im loving every minute of it. Im having fun writing again, something that kind of died to me last year. I wrote sparingly here and there, but as for 08, i really dont have much written to show anyone. Its kind of crazy. Writing has kept me alive for last eleven years. I dont know how i made it all of last year leaving it out of my life.
Anyways on to other issues. Ive recently kind of started liking someone, the only problems with that is 1...she lives in lawrence, ks, 2...she has this huge wall up when it comes to getting close to anyone and has admitted that she isnt completly over her ex and 3...she seems to be in her own world most of the time until i dont text her, call or respond to her messages on facebook. Its almost as if she wants me to treat her like shit before i get her attention. I definatly dont like this at all, but i do like her. She is actually funny, very funny and crude at the same time. She makes jokes that shut me up. Thats how funny she is. Even ashley likes her and thinks i should stick it out. I have no clue what im going to do.
On the plus side of it all, im stressing over a NEW girl, not an old one, and that my friends makes me prouder than you can ever know. I think its time to reward myself with a cold corona and roseanne reruns.
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| and now my heads full of better off dead... |
[02 Jan 2009|04:55am] |
| [ |
mood |
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crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"godlovesugly" atmosphere |
] |
Ive experienced alot of things in my life...but none compare to the ones i experienced last night. I am lucky to be alive...or am i? I passed out in a ditch in freezing weather, and woke up with a bloody nose, vomit all over myself, and skin irritated from the cold. I dont want to go to far into the details of the evening, but in the end, I did something i never thought i would do...and i cannot apologize enough.
I think back to all of the things i did before i drank, and i missed them. I think of all of the lonely nights i spent home on the weekends in high school when nobody invited me to parties because i wasnt a drinker, and i wanted to feel that hurt all over again.
That hurt was way better than this one. People ALWAYS drink for the wrong reasons...and i know that now. I started drinking because i felt alienated, and i wanted to be part of the crowd. As of last night, i feel like i never want to be in with the "in crowd" ever again. The real me is back. The me that didnt care that people thought he was a pussy for not drinking.
My heart hurts so fucking bad right now...i just want this to go away.
Heres to hoping.
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| "Man, aint nobody do nothin' on sunday!"--josh guthrie |
[29 Apr 2007|09:39am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 like a wkend warrior |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"i knew you before" dustin kensrue |
] |
Holy shit, an update.
The only reason is because I couldnt be bothered with hassle of trying to build a new livejournal, xanga, or blogster page. Just too lazy, so I guess im sticking to what works. Its been a long time since ive posted or even logged in, so i want scale back through the weeks as I feel every detail leaves nothing thought and concludes that i am in fact a boring person.
Anyways, right now I am currently in Hutchison, KS...Last night, we played over in Salina. I got up about 15 minutes ago because someone in the house can sleep through their alarm clock thats been going off for over an hour. The band is divided 3 ways at the moment, davey and josh in salina in a cheap motel (weird), Adam in wichita, and dylan and I in hutchison. Thank god we'll have a new van next week. No more car caravans.
Anyways some amazing shits happened in the last few months...but thats a story ill tell u in person i guess.
Im just saying, im back.
Thank christ someone finally shut that alarm off.
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| Its been a long fucking time... |
[15 Dec 2006|02:30am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"birth of a fish" eyedea and abilities |
] |
Its been far to long since Ive posted here.
Since ive been away in my own world ive decided more and more changes are in order. The move to lawrence is becoming more and more real. Tattoo and I just spent the weekend in our soon to be home town looking around and catching a show. I must say if you havent seen Amon Amarth live, do so. They are vikings. No shit.
Its becoming more and more simple for me to leave by the day.
Bret and Raul are 16 hours away in Phoenix. My mom and dad are insane. Sarah and I hardly speak these days. JT is here every now and then but is still technically gone. Sean and I are hanging out again, but most often just at work. Stana and I see less and less of each other by the day. Katie is in topeka. Alex is in Greeley. Joey is at El Con or wherever Joey goes. Jennifer hates me and I have myself to blame. The falke and I are almost fucking strangers. Emma is in Texas. Matt Huber is in Oklahoma. I never see Kelcy. Never see Trey. Never see the Cap himself. Never see Theo. Only see Alex Palomarez drunk. Buck is gone. I talk to amber only in emails. To krissy in mostly texts. Everyone is on the go, going or gone. What the fuck is that shit?
Everyone is beginning their lives past the now, and I admit...I dont like it too much.
Times were once simple and fantastic at the same time. Last year seems epic in my head. Hanging at addisons, playing shows, waking up in the afternoon and watching movies with stana till all hours of the morning, driving around with bret and stealing donuts at the store, throwing shows just so everyone could hardcore dance, Hanging out with sarah even through the ups and downs, making racist jokes with michelle, the late night vent sessions driving around with joey or jt, my easy fucking job, the comfort.
Its all behind me. As JT used to tell me "Its all part of gods cruel design."
Leaving seems like the answer. Ive never wanted to leave somewhere so much in my life. I feel like I am on a sinking ship and I have to decide to abandon ship or go down with it.
If any of you read this, message me. Call me. Email me. Whatever. I fucking love all of you so much, and I dont want to lose any of you...but id rather not lose myself.
Heres to venting.
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| everybody is half win and half lose... |
[06 Nov 2006|01:47am] |
| [ |
mood |
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I'll miss you seth. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"demons away" matt skiba |
] |
Long time no see.
Tomorrow morning they will bury Seth Algrim, the quiet kid who sat behind me in math class. A kid who had his life together in such a perfect manner. A person who did everything right because he was tired of being wrong. I'm really going to miss seeing seth around. He was one of those people you just cant forget. One of those people who would just say hello to you for no reason, and ask how youve been.
I think its true...The good do die young.
But why?
Im out.
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|
[09 Oct 2006|09:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
chiefs won a fucking game. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"dont move (live version)" butch walker |
] |
I just wrote a long letter to kyle bayens from glass houses sink ships after receiving one from him earlier today. It was good to hear from him.
Ive decided that any person I have something i need to say to, or any person who I havent talked to in forever will be getting one of these letters from me. Dont think ive lingered on old shit or anything...I just think for my own personal well being I need to say everything. Dont ask me why, I just have a gut feeling.
Who knows, maybe ill die in a week or something.
Weird.
Ortiz/Shamrock tomorrow night after class! 9pm! Get ahold of me.
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| "Is this girl dating this guy, or does she just voluteer & take retards to shows?"--Joey Irsik |
[05 Oct 2006|05:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
mongo sees a raccoon. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"belly full of hell" planes mistaken for stars |
] |
Im in dire need of an update.
Here it is, in all its glory.
Its been a couple of weeks since I got back from boulder, but rehashing the story still hasnt managed to wear out its welcome. Joey and I left late on a friday night. I pounded a mixture of tylenol, tea, robitussin and herbal coughdrops to combat a flu-like bug that had seemed to hit me earlier in the morning. The drive to Burlington wasnt a long one at all. It went quickly and smoothly. I talked to Jenna on the phone for the first time in a year during this time. Good things aside, I still get a nervous feeling in my stomach everytime we pass Goodland, where we were once lost two tires and 150 dollars in repairs. Fuck the small businesses of America.
We arrived at my good friend Leevi's house around 130 am, mountain time. Thats right, Leevi with two E's. His last name is also Nesbitt which also makes me laugh. I just had to make note of that. Back to my story...
Joey and I crashed on a wrap around couch watching family guy. The first time I woke up, I was choking on a coughdrop i fell asleep with in my mouth. Luckily, I didnt die...and crashed for a few hours more until joey woke me up. After we had all woken up, Joey, Joe, Leevi and I got something to eat and toured the three blocks that make up bulington, colorado. I was relieved when Joe suggested we all go to Jordan and Christians house and jam out. It was fun to play with Blood To Avail. Of all the bands we ever played with last year, i made the most close friends out of blood to avail. Anyone who is willing to let me crash at there house is a friend. Anyone who buys me and my friends pizza is an even better friend. Anyone who punches me in the junk for making fun of them is my really good friend. I love those burlington kids. I havent met one person from there that i dont like.
And on we headed to Boulder...
We arrived in denver in time to beat the shitty gridlock traffic, and it was smooth sailing the rest of the way. We checked into the motel (which misadvertised there pool as being swimmable) and got ready for the show. After an unsucessful search for Chipoltes we settled for a dairy queen on the same block as the Fox Theatre, that way we could be close to the show. Upon entering i began to notice that this was possible the worst diry queen in history.
This was the menu:
Barbeque Sandwhich
Dorito and BBQ Chips...They ran out of BBQ chips in our presence.
2 types of blizzards
Soft drinks EXCEPT Pepsi
That was it. After our shitty meal i considered burning the place to the ground. I admit saying a little prayer hoping the rest of the night wouldnt leave a bitter taste in my mouth as the 12 time reheated BBQ sandwich had. We waited outside. I was feeling stupid for not grabbing a zipup. I began to notice that of all the people in front of the Fox theatre, i was maybe one of 5 that were 21 or under...I am definatly not used to that. It was good to see a show with more people my age. Less bickering and bullshit made for a good show.
Our first encounter with a kid named josh was during the in between set karaoke. Josh karaoked whitney houston. Glorius. It was definatly better than the opening band, who i give credit to for playing with pnemonia and having there guitar player playing with a broken foot. Still...horrid. I was already sick enough without having to watch a pink spiders ripoff play with pnemonia. Butch Walker and The Lets Go Out Tonights played next. It was easily one of the best shows ive been to in the last few years. We met a girl named amber and some weird kid who was tagging along with her. I knew he wasnt all there when he asked us how the drive from kansas through wyoming was. Somehow we managed to meet back up with them during our hour and a half post-show wait for butch walker by the tour buses.
I also met a colorado version of gator, but he was a bit scarier.
Afterwards we got dennys with amber and the chump joey and i have dubbed Mongo, since we didnt bother to learn his name. Devil-beard kid showed up. So did karaoke josh who turned out to be in a pretty good band called Handicapped Love Affair (check them out). All in all it was nice to talk music and talk shit with cool people. Even mongo.
The next day was simplistic. Woke up. Hit waxtrax in denver. Ate Chipoltes. Drove through gridlock. Hit independent records. Drove to burlington.
We then realize joey had left his pillow at leevis house in burlington...
In trying to get joeys pillow back from leevi, things once again got eventful. Leevis girlfriend answered the phone during sex and i couldnt make out what was going on. So of course, i called back. Then Joey called back, then i called back each time sounding as if they were running a decatholon and both talking incoherently. We caught on then...and it was confirmed later. Wow.
After our unintentional bout with phone sex...we got joeys pillow, and headed for garden city. Closing the book on another trip leaving the bar high for the next.
Im so tired of livejournal now. Though I will try and update more often.
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| "I havent had anything to eat besides some mcdonalds i found in the trash..."--JT Wohlenhaus |
[14 Sep 2006|12:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
vast improvements. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"queen of pain"--the alkaline trio |
] |
Days off havent exactly been the glory they once were. Especially when your woken up EARLIER than days you have to be at work or school.
JT was in town the other day. We ate some golden dragon for a bit until I had to be off to school. It felt like i hadnt seen JT in years. Its starting to feel that way with alot of people, places, and things.
Anyways. Ive reminded myself that I should focus on only good things rather than questionable ones. Things like writing, school and the girl fight. Yes.
Other than that...uhhh...i saw to black guys get into a fight at the college the other days. It was neat.
Ive also gone to titling all of my LJ entries with the best quotes of that day.
Boulder, CO this weekend for butch walker.
Burlington, CO for company.
Word.
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| "Man, that sucked; I kept getting only guy channels..."--Derik Delgado |
[05 Sep 2006|04:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"farewell note to this city" converge |
] |
There is no reason for me to EVER navigate while someone else is driving. I hold the map wrong, dont watch exits, cant tell you east from west, etc. Wichita was no exception. Finding the venue become an hour long process on friday...but in the end the show was worth the bother. I hadnt gone to a show with a group since last year sometime with Bret, Addison and Party man...and even then we didnt get into that show.
After Darkest Hour, we checked into our motel..Derik, Raul and I in one room...Gill, Kaleb, Tattoo and Dylan in another. Im sure it was a horrible trip for tattoo...as he was already pissed at kaleb and dylan.
We slept in the next day and left wichita around 11:45. I was scheduled to work at noon...so needless to say i was late. Sometime around Dodge, Derik blew his transmission and we were stranded near a wind farm surrounded only by corn and milo fields. This is the 3rd time this has happened to me in my life. A-Rod made the save and risked his job to drive us home.
All in all...good and bad, it was memorable.
That aside..
I think the real lesson we learned this weekend is that no matter how many tokens you put into a porn booth machine...your only going to piss away your time avoiding the gay porn and tranny channels...Right Derik?
Class tonight. Work tomorrow. Off on thursday.
Someone call me.
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| "Pinky promise me that you will take this class, dummy"--Stana Rose |
[31 Aug 2006|09:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
ready for the show |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"the last dance massacre" darkest hour |
] |
Things are going extremely well. Tomorrow night is a night ive waited for since I missed them in march. Yep...Darkest Hour. Wichita.
Not much else to speak of...Stana tricked me into enrolling in another college class. Its cool though, tattoo is in there as well.
Ive been writing songs like crazy trying to get prepared for recording early next year. Im glad people are excited about the new record...some even more excited than i am. Thats a good feeling to have.
Anyways...im heading to timeout with the guys tonight. Yeah. I know JT. Say it.
Anyways Ill update another time.
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| she said "im sure you do this all the time, right?"... |
[23 Aug 2006|01:49am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Raul playing a get up kids song. |
] |
Ive come to realize that I have been an asshole for so long now that people have a hard time acceptinging that ive changed alot of those formulas to make myself a kinder person. Sure from time to time I will lash out and go off on a deserving shithead or two, but things are really different now. Sometimes, i dont return calls. Sometimes I dont text you back. Sometimes I get off msn without saying goodnight or talk to you later. Sometimes I dont hang out with you for weeks at a time. Sometimes I break dates or dont make it when i say i will. Shit happens. This doesnt mean i hate you, this just means im a self absorbed prick who has stopped to concern myself with my life for a moment or two. Leave me be.
I was happy to find out that bret is doing well in arizona. I will more than likely spend thanksgiving in Mesa this year much to the dismay of my family. They have had me around for 20 of them already. They can spare at least one for bret.
The girl fight is recording a new record in a few months. This has me excited. I cannot wait to be playing again, especially with my best friends. There is no better feeling.
Tonight raul and i walked through the cemetary for no particular reason other than boredomn. We stopped and made dylan give us something to drink on the way. Its good to hang out with Raul again, it had been awhile. Im glad everyone is back to getting along.
I love my college classes by the way. I love the challenge they are presenting. I have met quite a few new people as well which is cool.
Im stopping here...because i sound like a piece of shit teenage girl just going on about her unimportant life. Im going to put a gun in my mouth now. Kiiiiiidddddddddiiiing.
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| Sometimes I want to stab you and sell you in parts. |
[18 Aug 2006|02:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"fucking fight" planes mistaken for stars |
] |
All the wrong people are moving away to continue there lives.
Bret. JT. Katie Bell. Jared Law.
Katie and Jared both left this morning; Katie for topeka...Jared for manhattan. Who knows if i will see or hear from either of them again. I feel like I had alot more to tell them than good luck and be safe. Thats the way the world works sometimes.
You say goodbye without knowing its goodbye.
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|
[08 Aug 2006|06:58pm] |
"Dont Kill Them With Kindness, Use Guns."
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Take deep breaths and hold them. Your face a pale white scene. Paying compliment to shores washed clean. The lids close in casket blinks. Even catholic eyes can be honest. Dusk paints us in chalk. Circling gunless are the lessons. A last chance given. The lids close in casket blinks. Lifetimes have past the party, but not without a drink. One more drag and you're done. Black kiss passing smoke between breath and tounge. Smoke rings circle your finger calling engagement to failure. This room of strangers just background noise. Let me hear your recital. You're in there somewhere. You've said to me that you save my letters. Your face a failed white scene. Paying compliment to shores washed clean. Familiar pose. The oh so familiar pose.
"You Never Once Asked Me What Happened In Chicago"
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Handguns down she held her breath. His bright mind drew her in drastics. Silent couples converse as strangers. No one confesses quite like she does. Triggers pulled in moments oppurtune. Watch our years fold to circa. Shots sing tonight in falsetto. God allows visible breath. Dance without a partner. Name this instance after me. Calmly cross a flatline. Through your chest where rythmn keeps. My eyelids propose. Dead eyes over white cheeks. Date without a kiss. The ironic say goodnight. Pistol, do you hear?. Kiss the cheek as I once did. When this dance is over, You'll know I exist. Her face in drastics. On paramedics matching a pulse while dancing in flatlines. You never asked me of that night in the windy city, where snapped poloroids could have easily been necks. My steps are drowing in these great lakes in tune with the plot and its twist. Her face the drastic. Mine wearing the glitz. The glamour lost under breath held at gunpoint.
"A Melody Of Girl And Place"
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Delicate fingers thread the syntax without a thimble. Take her hands and break the digits when you can no longer count on them. Know me before you try to find another day of your life through my eyes. We are the wake and the calm watching the sun set between us. We are the fallen writers scribbling notes on paper and fabric. Our words read aloud at the funeral to a cathedral setting. I have collected our moments in volumes while weighing our lives in words you have seldom considered. Days pass without you completing them. This is me admitting. I see I was the fall between your thoughts.(People should not promise if they lack it. One more day. Not much life to save) Your words begging me to apologize in public forum. Your promises become so choked up that they strangle my being. People cannot promise if they lack it. I'll die with this rift between us if we let the sun set to many times. Lets complete one more day. Not much life left to save. Hand the depth over. I still mean the words i sing to you. You were worth every breath i took.
"Efforts All To No Avail"
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Picture perfect never framed. Our time in segments still indecisive. Desert like are the sands of time. Built around you are my words sung slow and pretty. I hope tonight is not goodbye. You sing to my ecclectic taste. Rounds of black paint my eyes. I want today to be more than our dramatic anchor. I felt the need to tell you solemn, rather than face you from the other room. Our words in porchlight will be the beginning of the end. Tonight I favor the promise I made to you. Scale peaks of time and tread. Natures calm with soft rhetoric. Stories script these wordless chapters. Reminders play above my headboard. The bow breaks for me in dreams. Missing you though you've yet to leave. Sketch the plight atop this notebook. Face misplaced in hindsight. We turn away with our efforts. I felt the need to tell you solemn, rather than face you from the other room. Into the plight commemorated go our efforts, all to no avail.
"Quincenera Sword"
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Touch the base on the body, beautiful. Our heads high as ornaments. Gods let the winds die crafted with all the foretold secrets under silk dress. Hands slipping under touching skin into impression. The graceful mark these fingers leave is a look thats all its own. Will he love with the same expression that he brought you lovingly in whispers to trick you, virgin? Strangle the fact with features. Girl cries in running mascara black and bleeding. She reflects a grotesque pose in stained glass. At least it keeps its color. Hair tangles the tact with leisure as she brushes it back to beautiful. God was watching all he took away from her. She tells her story in a special fashion to four walls and a stranger. A confession in a kissing booth. Is this a confession or a kissing booth? You tell me.
"Two Minutes For Slashing, Two Minutes For Hooking, And Lets Not Forget My Personal Favorite; Two Minutes For High Sticking....."
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Your neckline aches for the hairline cracks in collar bone. Arms will continue to break and wear this cast of characters. Roleplay an elevator pulling me to your floor. The hallways cant get any whiter than your ghost. No need for nurses to pass me this verbal note. Woven in your last words, I found a four letter word for you. Love. Woven in your last words anxious to find rightful ears. Left of dishonesty I hear the champagne talking in a womens voice. Her celebration patterns out and palms the truth. Tell your lies as eyes paint the floor. Oh rightful ears say your open to suggestion. Strong and proud stands the angel as the wings are sheared so delicate. Beleive my truths; I beleive in you. But god refused. You will not make it through another night. Prayer will palm the injury breaking silence bright. Beleive my truths; I beleive in you. God refused. You will not make it through another night. Sheared wings so delicate have stopped your flight. Follow the light my friend. Woven in your last words were four letters. These hallways cant get any whiter than your ghost. No need for nurses to pass me this verbal note. I already know. Im woven in your last words.
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nickgrooms's journal